Getting the love you need

Gary Chapman is the wonderful author of the book titled The 5 languages of love: the secret of love that lasts. The premis of this book is that partners in a relationships speak different love languages and that understanding what a partner needs to fulfil them emotionally is crucial to staying together. 

Getting the love you need

You will, most likely, speak all 5 of the following love languages but in a different order of priority.

1. Words of Affirmation:  If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean a lot to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important. Hearing the reasons behind that love will feel deeply satisfying. Insults and criticism can leave you deeply hurt.

2. Quality Time: Nothing says, “I love you,” like giving your loved one your full, undivided attention. Really being there with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all tasks on hold makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially painful.

3. Receiving Gifts: Don’t mistake this love language for materialism. The receiver of gifts thrives on the thoughtfulness and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous. So would the absence of everyday gestures.

4. Acts of Service: Washing up can absolutely be an expression of love for someone with this primary love language. Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities will speak volumes. The words he or she most wants to hear will be “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.

5. Physical Touch: This language is more than about sex. A person whose primary language is physical touch appreciates hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face. They can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.

There are many online questionnaires on 5 languages of love to help you identify your love language (example, Perhaps, Donald Trump could learn something new here about Melania.

I've learnt so much from this book. This approach can help you have a better relationship with your partner.